♥Loquacity

Sleeping at last

2012-02-15T23:17:00.001+08:00

I've waited a hundred years,
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for,
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch.
If I had only felt how you smile when you blush.
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough.
Oh I would've known what I've been living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line.
Every touch is a redefining phrase.
I surrender who I've been for who you are,
Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
Oh I would've known what I've been living for
What I've been living for

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas,
Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees.

:') :') :') :') :')

Vday

2012-02-15T00:09:00.001+08:00

You are my perfect valentine <3 Thank you for making me feel so loved (: although the day totally didn't go as planned, it was still the best valentines day everrr!! Our 2nd one together (:

And to everyone out there struggling with exams coming, happy valentine's day and all the best!! Study hard and leave the rest to God! I'm totally slacking haha needa start revving my engine!

Also, it's really fun being a part of Leon's army life and getting to know his friends. I'm glad that I mean enough to him that he wants to share his life with me, including letting me meet his friends and hang out together! The past few outings have been real fun!! And I can't wait to meet his gay buddy Daryl...... They are so gross together HAHA!

All in all, today was such a good day with a lot of quality 1-on-1 time spent with Leon, which I really appreciate.

Lovelove!!
xoxo,
Janessa

The best video I've watched all year

2012-02-10T23:14:00.001+08:00

So awesome! I love them all LOOK AT THOSE BODIES! Tom Daley forever.
From your faithful fan since Beijing 2008 haha! Totally can't wait for London 2012.
xoxo

2012-02-09T19:28:00.001+08:00

When you lower me down
So deep that I, I can’t get out
And when you’re lost, lost and alone
Yes, you’d think it was the last place
You’d come back for more

If you don’t want me to leave
Then don’t push me away
You’d rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I’m going nowhere

I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you’re closing your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

I’m gonna stay
You can’t push me too far
There’s no space in my heart
Where I don’t wanna love you

And when there’s no, no storm
Then how can I feel the calm?
If there’s nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you’re closing your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

So I’m gonna stay, yes I will
You can’t push me too far
There’s no space in my heart
Where I don’t wanna love you

If you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We’d still be alone
And we’d still be afraid
I’m going nowhere
I’m going nowhere

‘Cause I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there’s tears in your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

I’m gonna stay
All the tears that I’ve cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don’t wanna love me
I could leave them to dry
If you don’t wanna love me

Your ways are higher than my ways

2012-02-08T10:30:00.001+08:00

Im at the most stressful point of the academic year right now. In 3 weeks this will all be over... And I'll be in year 2 :>

Come on Jesus! Give me the strength to push forward and press on for the last month of school. I love You, for everything that has happened in school from results to friends to lecturers.... Lord You've blessed me so much despite my unworthiness!

I am living a full life in Him.

Take me anywhere

2012-02-02T23:25:00.001+08:00

Praying a prayer of faith: I'll spend my 18th birthday in England.

But... Without you ): sigh.

bahia funk

2012-02-01T00:27:00.002+08:00

I'm bloody excited for September! I think I might be spending my birthday in England! How cool is that?! Details of the trip are tomorrow and I'm just squirmish thinking about the BRIEFING. That's how excited I am to go to England again.

EXCITEMENT!

SWAMPED WITH WORK FOR NOW THOUGH... TATA x

Enchanted

2012-01-27T00:06:00.001+08:00

I've always wondered why it is so difficult to remember how you lived before that someone special came into your life. I think anyone who's attached can sympathise with what I mean.

I've never been with a boy for this long before. Both my past two relationships didn't last more than a couple of months at most. My most recent previous relationship lasted a pathetic month. That said, it was enough for me to fall in love.

That's what different about Leon, we'll be together for 1 year 3 months this coming Monday. I know it's not long, but it's long enough for me. It's long enough for me because he has chosen to stick with me this long, when all the boys in my life before him saw me worth only a few months of their time. Having spent so much time with him in the past year, I'm already so familiar with him, every physical feature, every little habit, his way of thinking and speaking, his laughter, the sound of his amazing voice, his smile and his wonderful, wonderful heart. And I'm never surer, everyday, that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him. Honestly, yea I know I'm too young to be saying things like this but I think I wouldn't have it any other way. If ever something or someone came up that could try and separate us I'd stick it out with him till it's over. That's always the way it's been, and it's always going to be like this. If and ever it comes to the point where I'm the only one fighting for the relationship and he's given up, so be it. I'd fight to death, and it might seem scary that I'm this bent on the relationship, but I don't think anyone knows what it really means to me.

And of course, what means more than the relationship itself is Leon. So having said all that above, it's cheesy and it's clichéd but honestly, all I want is Leon happy. Even if it means me being unhappy. I've tried breaking up with him because I felt like I still couldn't give my heart completely to him, and that wasn't fair. I wanted to love him only if I could love him alone with all my heart, not when some small part of me still yearned for someone else. But every time I've tried, I've failed because the moment I see how much I'm hurting him I can't go through with leaving him. Any adult should know what I'm talking about: that immense hurt inside you when you see someone you love (be it a spouse, parent or child) going through hurt. Well, it's worse when you know you're the cause of that pain. And obviously, you'd want to stop hurting that person immediately.

Since it's in my power, whenever I see that I'm hurting Leon by trying to leave so that I don't feel selfish for not loving him completely when he loves me completely, I stop trying to leave. Which makes me guilty, and then I repeat the cycle.

Now, everyday, I love the other boy a little less, but it's difficult to just stop loving someone you've loved for the past 3 years.

It's for this same reason that I don't know why Leon still wants to be with me when I'm so selfish and I want to love two people at one time. (to haters, I'm not being a bitch or a slut, I really honestly love Leon and I'm completely faithful to him and I will commit to our relationship come what may. COME WHAT MAY!) I will never understand why, because I will never understand how another human being could love me... it's just like with Jesus and your family, it's unfathomable why they love you despite seeing the worst side of you every single moment.

So, Hyperion, if and when you read this: a million lifetimes aren't enough for spending in your arms, cuddling and snoozing with you under the covers, caressing your fingers when we're holding hands, reading together, watching silent films together, taking late night walks together, eating brunches and suppers, singing worship songs together, sharing a frappé .. and dreaming up our future together.

Happy 15th month (in a few days!). I love you! x

With love,

Asteria

p/s YOU NOW HAVE 100% OF ME (:

I'll see you soon

2012-01-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

lovehold.tumblr.com

2012-01-25T15:54:00.003+08:00

blablabla

so much work to complete.

Remember when

2012-01-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

I guess hotmail wanted me to miss you, because it just suddenly marked all our old emails (along with some others) as unread in my inbox.

You honestly need to reread those emails we sent to each other everyday and think about how it felt for me when you eventually sent that last email. And how it could feel so bad that I still feel it today. If not for any other reason, just read them for fun. Or for me.

My favourite email of the lot : Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:21:00 +08:00

Still trying, everyday.

Gong xi fa cai

2012-01-22T01:25:00.001+08:00

Listening to Joshua Radin with my new WESC earphones. I'm feeling exhausted!

So many things have been going on in school, I have lots of projects and assignments, and exams are a month away. The weeks are passing by so quickly that I'm scared I'll have no time for my projects. Doesn't make it any better that it's Chinese New Year and I don't have time........

Another thing, my money has just been flying out my bank account. I'm really upset about it. No more spending, and I really need to recoup my losses this new year. Sigh a huge thank you to whoever invented / started the tradition of angpows LOL!

I'm just updating a lot of weird random stuff this post has no aim. Leon booked out today and came over and we had a kickass day together as usual! I just love catching up with him about my week every weekend, ultimately he's the only one who gets me and the only one I feel completely comfortable just sharing everything that's happened in my life with.. And vice versa I guess! His army stories are always so hilarious!

Oh yes one thing I thought of LOL if a couple had kids tgt but weren't legally married so they were still "bf/gf", DOES THAT MEAN THEY ARE SINGLE, AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ANGPOWS, AND THE COUPLE AND CHILDREN CAN ALL COLLECT ANGPOWS FROM OTHERS?!?????

LLOLOLOLOL nights btw I finished reading murakami's dance dance dance, he never fails to mindf**k me.

Cheers x

Undeserving

2012-01-18T02:42:00.001+08:00

Yep it's 2:36 at night on a school day and yep I have school tomorrow but I just couldn't leave this to another day.

I just spent the past 3 hours reading Cathy Glass' book entitled "Hidden", about a boy named Tayo. The entire story is just an emotional rollercoaster and at the end, the tears just poured out of my eyes non-stop. It's not often I cry this hard over stories, although I do tear up easily!

It's all the more amazing because it is a true story, and I was just so uplifted. It made me think of just how lucky I am, to be in the position I am now with such a happy family. :')

Whatever it is, it's a good read (I'm not bringing out the plot because I'm sleepy and also I don't want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn't read it!) so whoever's itching for a good book. Read Hidden by Cathy Glass!

Unfortch, I can't lend anyone my copy because I borrowed the book from my school library!

ALSO... IMPROVISE IV TOMORROW ( Thursday is considered tomorrow since its alr Wednesday now, technically, right?) AND IM EXCITED AND NERVOUS BUT IT WILL BE SO GREAT!! sucks that L can't be there though ): I miss him tonnes sigh.

Whatever the case..
God, You're just so good to me. <3

Love,
Jessa x

not particularly loquacious

2012-01-15T09:42:00.001+08:00

"Koi No Yokan – Japanese: a sense on first meeting someone that it is going to evolve into love."

It's a phrase that has no proper translation into English and it totally encompasses what I felt when I first talked to Leon online (haha!). Even though we were both in love with others at that time (!!), there was a strong feeling (well, at least i felt strongly towards L, and from what he tells me, he did too). It's the kind of attraction/perfect chemistry that doesn't go away even with time.

I'm glad I managed to end up with him after everything though. Some people you just know you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. I know I'm a bit young to be saying things like this but it's difficult to water down saying these things that I really feel!

Yeaaaaaaa so Chinese new year is coming up! I'm really excited but I'm more excited about something else......

IMPROVISE IV!!!

My first time performing in a recital for CCA and I'm really excited. Although I have my own issues and my own emotions about certain things I won't let ANYTHING get in my way of owning the stage on Thursday night!!!

Thanks to everyone who got tickets to watch me (: I appreciate you!

One more thing, Caleb had his last cell session with us two days ago ): he's leaving Bethel! We'll miss you caleb! Come back to visit whenever you want to.

last but not least, everybody, PRAY HARD! Because Leon is getting his army post tonight/tomorrow, and in Jesus' name, he will get the post that he wants and he will excel in it!! Amen!!

Cheers and
LURRVVEEE xoxoxox
Nessa

Physical pain

2012-01-12T21:52:00.001+08:00

You know it isn't normal the way the pain ricochets through your entire being and youre stuck lying on your side unable to breathe. Taking short shallow desperate gasps. In conflict with yourself, because you're stuck between wildly thrashing your limbs around and having them pinned down and frozen at your sides. Stuck between laughing at the incredulity of the situation.. Or crying at the hopelessness of it. Stuck between yelling nonstop at the top of your lungs and never making another sound again in your life.

And through all that... the constant dull ache in your chest.

Love will make you whole again

2012-01-07T19:06:00.001+08:00

Too long, too late

2012-01-05T01:21:00.001+08:00

Happy Thursday, everyone!
xoxo

I would be your girl

2012-01-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

Summer after high school when we first met

We make out in your Mustang to Radio head

And on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof

Talk about our future like we had a clue

Never plan that one day I'd be losing you

And in another life I would be your girl

We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world

And in other life I would make you stay

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash

Never one, we got the other, we made a pact

Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa

Someone said you had your tattoo removed

Saw you downtown singing the blues

It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse

And in another life I would be your girl

We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world

And in another life, I would make you stay

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

The one, the one, the one

The one that got away

All these money can't buy me a time machine, no

Can't replace you with a million rings, no

I should've told you what you meant to me, whoa

'Cause now I pay the price

In another life I would be your girl

We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world

And in another life, I would make you stay

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

The one, the one, the one, the one

And in another life I would make you stay

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

New Moon

2012-01-03T11:33:00.004+08:00

"Edward loved me . The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him , so would he always be mine."

Deep fried chicken

2012-01-01T18:36:00.001+08:00

The best present in 2011 from the boy.

14

2012-01-01T17:55:00.001+08:00

If anyone were truly alone, it could never be any of you. It's me.

I wish I could let others feel how I'm feeling, just so they know how it is for me. It might make them feel better about their plights.

Well everyone has their own struggles, don't they?

那些年，我们一起追的女孩

2011-12-30T11:31:00.001+08:00

＂你信不信10年后，我都不知道什么是LOG，我照样可以活的好好的。＂

＂常常聽到別人說，戀愛最美的部分就是暖昧的時候，等到真正在一起，很多感覺就會消失不見了。＂

＂越是深沉的痛苦，代表我曾经爱得越饱满。＂

＂也許，在那一個平行時空里，我們是在一起的。"

Yea, up till now it hits me really hard I remember the way she said the best part of any relationship is the part just before two people offcially get together.

Because I never got to have that with you. One day we were friends, and the next we were a couple. There was never any in-between, no chasing, no wooing.

I would change that if I could go back. x

#youaretheappleofmyeye

There are no words

2011-12-29T13:36:00.001+08:00

That weight in your chest

2011-12-28T22:23:00.001+08:00

"There’s a heaviness in the air every time someone leaves your life for good. You look at one another with hardened eyes and weathered hearts, neither of you truly wanting to let it be. But, as your very soul aches for them to stay, you resist the urge to reach out for their hand and ask them. And so you watch them rise from their seat, not a single word passes from their lips, and they walk towards the exit. As you watch them, they go to grab at the door handle and they hesitate, they look to you for some sort of sign, some reason to stay. But you’re too proud to do that, and so they look forward again and continue out the door. Out of your life. Leaving you with the lingering scent of their skin, the sense of loss, despair and anger. Senses that hardly leave completely. That makes me sad."

(credit)

A year of God's perfect grace

2011-12-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

6 more days(!!) to the end of the year so I'll just do my year-end post today, since it's Christmas, a happy day and I'm bored. Hee. (EDIT: I typed this over three days, so although I started typing this out on Christmas, I'm only publishing it today!)

1. Cell Group

This year, I started trying out churches other than QBC. Leon and I felt like switching and starting afresh somewhere new, so we headed to Heart of God Church. Attended service there for a few months earlier this year on Saturdays/Sundays but ultimately I felt like I didn't like the atmosphere and service there, and also, oddly enough, i didn't feel welcome at all. ): so I dragged Leon back to QBC with me and we've attending service now and then with my family for the past few months. Honestly though, I didn't really like cell group in YWAV because it just doesn't feel like cell group. It feels weird to me, sitting in a church room with everyone your age that you grew up with in the same room.

So here's where I just want to thank God so much: this year, the Lord placed me in bethel's Yishun 1, Leon's cell group. When we got together, Leon always spoke really fondly of all his cell members and I was just so eager to meet them, and one day he brought me along to attend cell with him! And ever since that day I was surprised because every single cell group I've attended/met be it in QBC, CHC, or even HOGC, I never felt as at home as I felt in yishun 1. Although I'm really young member in a tertiary and the other girls are all >19, I find that I'm able to just chat with them, talk to them and click with them. The cell is made up of all these pretty girls (really!) and I'm just so happy to have met such lovely people who are so readily friendly and accepting. The way they behave when I joined was as though I've always been in their cell, I didn't feel out of place at all, and I almost never felt awkward or like I was "new" or anything like that.

Also, one more thanksgiving item that came from this cell group: after I attended a few weeks of cell, we had a bible study session during a cell meeting about "Overcoming Fear". During that period of time when that cell meet took place I was actually having a real serious problem, I'd suffer from sleep paralysis practically every other night. If you don't know what that is, it's basically being paralysed in your sleep either when you're in the process of falling asleep or waking up, and in most cases it's accompanied by a strong sense of fear. (go wiki it, its seriously creepy) So during that bible study that Xinjin was leading when we all had to share one thing we were afraid of, I shared about my sleep paralysis, and my resulting fear of falling asleep alone in my room. I've actually suffered from sleep paralysis for about 2/3 years, but during that period of time earlier this year when I was having my mid year exams in poly it was really really bad. Maybe it was the stress, but I was just so scared of sleeping because of that. That very Friday in cell group, we took turns to pray declarative prayers over each other, driving out all fear in Jesus' all-powerful name. From that very night, until now (it's been 4 months) there hasn't been a SINGLE occurrence of sleep paralysis, compared to the past few years when I would get it at least once a month.

I believe that God has healed me from this completely and that my fear is no-longer there because Satan has been rebuked in Christ's name! I don't think anyone can imagine how much it means to me that I am healed, because I pray to God every night asking him that i won't get sleep paralysis, because I'm really just that afraid. Today, I know for sure that I'm protected when I go to sleep and I no longer fear. (: Yay! God's good to me. So that's one thanksgiving item for 2011.

I love being a part of this cell (: I was so touched when i read some of their Christmas cards to me! I'm so thankful that God has chosen to place me there in this year. Truly thankful.

2. DADP in SP

Aside from my cell group, another big shift for me this year was choosing to pursue Applied Drama at SP instead of continuing on in Hwa Chong (or RJ or AC for that matter). That move was a brave move for me and I'm just so glad that God led me to DADP eventually. He first place the desire in me to go somewhere different from HC in the early months of my sec4 year, and I started exploring my options, and i discovered the course applied drama and psychology, and I thought that was a really good course for me. And then later on in the year when I was still mulling over the topic, there was a Straits Times special report (on the cover page of the Saturday section) on IP students choosing to pursue diplomas in polytechnics instead. It was as though that article was written just for me to see that choosing to go to poly isn't a bad idea and I can really excel there as well.

In the end, there was only one huge obstacle I had to overcome before I really decided to apply to join DADP. It was my pride. I've always prided myself on coming from an elite school and being "smart". And I was so proud that I'd always generally look down on neighbourhood schools. I think anyone who knows me really well would know that. Choosing to go to poly was like choosing to step into a school made up of students from every single neighbourhood school imaginable. I was like so damn worried I wouldn't be able to click with anyone, that I wouldn't be able to connect with "ah lians" and "ah bengs" and all that lame shit. What's more, I was struggling with the idea of letting go of my status as a student of HCI. so many people yearn to get into HC but don't make it in. And by term 1 I was already settled into my class, subjects, and had awesome classmates in 11A10. I didn't know if I would give up all that prestigious-ness and go to poly. I prayed about it and talked with my parents and although my dad wanted me to stay in JC, my mum told me she thought I'd do well in poly. Eventually, I pulled out from auditions for ACJC and RI(JC)'s Theatre studies programmes and just headed to SP.

My decision was made because God humbled me into seeing that it was a really stupid and disgusting reason to not pursue my passion (for applied drama which is awesome to the core) just because I was afraid of being seen as stupid, or I wanted to continue being in an elite school. What's more, after being a part of DADP and SP, I can honestly say SP is a WONDERFUL school. I did check out one other poly, NP, but at that time i found SP students were just so much more approachable and friendlier (and they still are). And have I mentioned how non-NSK my class is. My stereotype of neighbourhood school kids has completely been shattered by these awesome classmates I have. And plus there are other elite school students in my class so it's like I feel so lame for worrying about this sort of stupid shit in the first place.

3. My Classmates

Not only has God blessed me into the perfect course for me, He has also blessed me with awesome classmates. DADP 02 is quite seriously the BEST class. No offense to 01 or 03 but I'm so mighty glad im a part of 02 ^^ we're just awesome.

And if I wasn't in poly, i'd never have met my two best friends Sylvia Tan and Belinda Lai. I swear these two girls are the best! Throughout this entire year, we've all three had our share of hurts and pain, and oddly enough, it's because I know that they too go through the same troubles and hurts that I go through too from time to time, that's a main reason why I depend on them so much. They won't put down what I'm feeling or comfort me in ways that are dumb (unlike me, I am horrible at comforting people), and we are able to sympathise with one another. When I speak to Bel or Sylvia about anything that I'm troubled or hurt about they just know the right things to say/do and I love them for it. I thank God for placing two such awesome friends into my life. (:

4. Leon

Lastly, one huge thing I wanna thank God for:

This boy (: he's always loved me so much since a long time ago and although I take him for granted sometimes and yell at him or throw tantrums, he's always there for me. No matter what happens I know at the end of the day he's gonna be waiting for me with his arms wide open. Everytime I'm down or upset he's encouraging and supportive and able to comfort me just the way I want to be comforted. God has placed this amazing guy who loves God in my life. This is a guy that I can love and follow and I'm so thankful to the Lord for sustaining our relationship and for helping us grow and deepen this relationship in this past year. It has indeed been an eventful year in all areas, but I see God's hands in all aspects of my life.

Aside from me, God has blessed Leon too. I know sometimes Leon might not feel that God is working things in his favour, I know that God is slowly working in his life, and preparing great blessings for Leon.

Leon, Jesus loves you more than anyone in this world and I want you to never ever doubt His goodness because He is sovereign and all-mighty. Our God is a good God, let's choose to serve Him in both our worst times and our best times. There are always going to be people around you who love and care for you no matter what. Your parents, your grandma, your sisters, me, Josh and Shawn, every one in the cell group, your army friends and even my family, we're all always going to be here for you! God has placed all these people in your life to love you and encourage you and I promise you that even if one day everybody leaves you, you'll never ever be alone, because He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you.

Trust God that the plans he has for your life are more amazing than anything you could ever dream of! I love you. Oh and, happy 1 year and 2 months together, L <3

5. Et Cetera

Another thanksgiving: thank God for restoring a good relationship between me and Kerrie. She was ever so ready to forgive me earlier this year and I'm so happy that God has peeled away all these layers of pride and selfishness in me and to allow me to have the humility to admit I was wrong.

All in all it has been an amazing 2011. It started out rough, but look what God has done throughout the year for me. I'm infinitely thankful and I am so amazed by just how much he loves me and those around me as well.

In 2012, I am going to pray and believe that God will restore even more broken relationships, especially the ones between Leon and I and the rangers, as well as our exes. It's complicated but there's nothing God can't do. I'm going to have faith and believe.

Another thing that I'm going to have faith that God will allow to be in 2012: Leon's family will accept me! I was so unworthy back at the start of this year, but now, because of Jesus' love I'd like to think I'm a changed girl (: He has loved me so much that His love should spill out of my life, I remember praying to God in AJTC that I want to love others with God's love, not my own. And indeed He has so much love for us that it must naturally shine out of Christians. I'm still working on it, but I've definitely felt a difference in myself. I'm happier and not so quick to judge others now (:

Back to my point, in 2012 I pray in faith for these two things to happen: restoration and acceptance. Amen!

If my God created this world from scratch, He is that powerful and unimaginable that fixing and healing broken relationships are but nothing to Him! There have been so many lessons learnt this year.

FINALLY!! If you have bothered to read every single word up till here, I thank God for YOU. Thank you for caring about me in this past year (:

Thank You Lord. Thank You for loving me.

Happy new year everyone! :>

Cheers xx

Nessa

Safe and Sound

2011-12-26T01:11:00.001+08:00

I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, I’ll never let you go
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, Don’t leave me here alone
But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You’ll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I’ll be safe and sound

Don’t you dare look out your window darling
Everything’s on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby
Even when the music’s gone

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You’ll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I’ll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes
You’ll be alright
Come morning light
You and I’ll be safe and sound

First him, now you

2011-12-25T18:15:00.001+08:00

Are all my Christmases destined to be days of heartbreak?

Blue blue blue Christmas

2011-12-21T10:07:00.001+08:00

Can't get any better than Nathan & talktothewalls.
xx

Oh, and Leon is finally booking out in two days! *happy beyond measure* hehe.

Twas a good day!

2011-12-18T12:27:00.001+08:00

xxx

2 years, 1 month and 8 days ago

2011-12-17T15:42:00.001+08:00

I had an amazing dream last night. It was amazing in so many ways, and it terrified me in so many ways, too.

In my dream, I was the one leaving him, not the other way around, and I saw the helpless way he looked at me when I left.

So.. I think finally understand how it feels to be the one who has leave someone who completes you, and not be the one being left behind. In reality I'm always the one being left, not the one leaving.

Anyhow, it was just a dream. Odd.

And I think I finally understand what Pastor Joyce prophesied over me (at jtc when I was so heartbroken), when she declared that it wouldn't be a cycle anymore. That was two years back, and I only understand it now. Well that took long.

Tata, off to get dressed for my first Christmas party xx

(btw, I keep getting amazed by God's timing. He knows what I want and timed everything the way it would benefit me!! Ah-mazing.)

Your letters: keeping me sane while you are away

2011-12-15T23:09:00.001+08:00

I miss you.

2011-12-15T01:07:00.001+08:00

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

2011-12-14T23:46:00.001+08:00

Okay I decided I've gone too long without a proper update on my blog so here goes, throwing the whole "hiatus" thing out the window as everyone has alr pretty much figured out.

Something I have to get off my chest, today, I found out that I cannot look at HC peepz' UK photos without feeling suffocated with jealousy so I had to force myself to stop after, like, 6 pictures. Haha it was totally cool when I was looking at scenic shots, until I started seeing my friends posing in front of rydal mount then I started feeling all sad and irritated so I just closed the tab. Hmm. Talking about it ain't easy either.

I get jealous really, really easily even when it comes to my friends and Leon, so that's definitely something I've got to work on. That said, there are boundaries to be drawn with members of the opposite sex when one is in a committed relationship, so I feel that when the other party starts getting jealous, that's a good indicator those boundaries are being knocked down.

Another thing about jealous people (since we're on that topic now anyway) that turns me off is when I see other people trying to make their boyfriend/girlfriend jealous on purpose by flirting with others in order to make themselves feel wanted, or.. "loved". That's not cool and nobody should ever try that because it's immature and really dumb! It shows how insecure you are to the point that you need to resort to that.

Alright, enough digressing. Updates about my life!! Just finished a pretty hectic term and I've just started on my mid-sem hols, which will be till after new years'. The past few days have been spent either at work or rehearsing for jazz band's upcoming concert, which I'm actually quite excited about. I hope there'll be enough tix for my friends. It's frustrating to have a band so big that you have to have a cap on the no of tix each person is entitled to.. Oh well. I'll be singing two songs, What A Difference A Day Made and The Way You Look Tonight. Ballad/bossa and swing!! Muahaha, wait till you guys hear the bossa version of what a difference a day made! :>

Recently I've been rethinking where I should go after I get my diploma. Innit just like me to start thinking ahead and end up choosing and aiming where I want to go next? Well you cant blame me, planning is crucial.. But ultimately it's all in God's hands. So anyway, I've decided that my dream school would be Central School of Speech and Drama. One of the colleges of UOL. Ive been considering CSSD for awhile now, so a few months back, I actually ordered a copy of UOL's prospectus and they sent it to my place. Graduates from my current course get a year off (advanced standing) in their degree in drama, applied theatre and education course. So that's just two years to get my degree. Pity though, I've discussed with my parents and they don't think they can afford it. So it's either I aim for a scholarship, or think of plan B..... Which I actually have thought out! I'll just go ahead to get my degree in theatre studies in NUS FASS first, then go get my master's at CSSD (THAT my folks can afford). But all this will never come to be if I dont study hard and get a good GPA. I'm starting to have fears bout my GPA dropping. ): Hmm.

Aside from band, work and fantasising about studying in the UK, I've been caught up otherwise too! My last last Sunday was spent at Bethel's gala lunch and it was so much fun seeing Sean and James again! They are SO gossipy, they're worse than girls. I've yet to upload photos tho.. :$ haha. Thanks again to Sean's mum for the treat!

Tomorrow I've another appointment with the urologist, but before that I'll be lunching at sushi tei with my mum, and after that we'll go do our hair YIPPEE. I haven't decided if I should curl it again. Hmmmmmmmm. Fridays work again, then after that there's cell! I'll probably spend Saturday getting a gift for the gift exchange, then head down to Bethel Tertiary's Christmas "party of the year" with le cell group. (: they're all gonna watch wicked in January but I'm giving it a miss since I've caught it in London hehe.

Oh yeaaaa belinda asked me to go for Dashboard's frontman's show in Feb. to go or not to go? I love dashboard but I don't love them enough to part with the money. I'm saving up! And I just shopped ... ): bought the loveliest dress though, heh!

ONE MORE THING. For now my mind's made up about whether to go for JLTA next year and the answer is no. I know I've always looked forward to JSC (it's for JSC that I even endured JTC and AJTC for in the first place tbh) but i guess its YWAV mission trip for me then. DECISION'S NOT CAST IN STONE THOUGH....!

I haven't worn my uniform in so long. But maybe rangers just doesn't have a place in my life anymore.

x Janessa

P.S. surprisingly I'm not so whiney about not having seen Leon for about 1.5 weeks (1.5 more weeks to go ): ), maybe I'm getting accustomed to this army thing? I MISS YOU TO BITS LIONBOY!!!!! Sighz.

P.P.S. Christmas somehow always brings up this deeply buried hurt I've tried to forget, unsuccessfully, for the past 2 years. I hope you know that the way you broke my heart that Christmas morning will stay with me for a long, long time. Hopefully not forever, though.

You guide my dreams

2011-12-12T23:50:00.001+08:00

He knows my pain, sees my tears, and listens to my cries. He knows my past and sees my future. He knows my feelings and reads all my thoughts. He knows my fears and guides my dreams.

One day he will return for me. He wants to give me a happy and abundant life, right now and for eternity.

if the moon fell down tonight

2011-12-11T21:55:00.001+08:00

Every time I see your smile

It makes my heart beat fast

And though it's much too soon to tell

I'm hoping this will last

Cuz I just always wanna have you right here by my side

The future's near but never certain

At least stay here for just tonight

I must've done something right

To deserve you in my life

I must've done something right

Along the way

I just can't get you off my mind

And why would I even try?

Cuz even when I close my eyes

I dream about you all the time

I just always wanna have you right here by my side

The future's near but never certain

So please stay here for just tonight

I must've done something right

To deserve you in my life

I must've done something right

Along the way

And even if the moon fell down tonight

There'd be nothing to worry about at all

Because you make the whole world shine

As long as you're here everything will be alright

I must've done something right

To deserve you in my life

I must've done something right

Along the way

This love is ours

2011-12-07T00:48:00.001+08:00

Pretty much everything I'm feeling. I LOVE how pleasantly surprised I was by the last part because it made this song THAT much more relevant to me right now since Leon's in army! Watch from 3:17 onwards to catch my favourite part if you're too pressed for time to watch the entire thing.

It fits so much more because I feel like the character in the video right now, dogged, stuck in this routine of schooling and schoolwork. Well, life goes on. x

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

2011-11-22T01:12:00.001+08:00

Taking a break from all my social networking sites till this semester officially ends. I won't deactivate anything though, I'm just gonna force myself not to log in to anywhere, be it twitter, fb or tumblr for about a month from tonight onwards.

So there won't be any blog posts too... I think. Maybe I'll sneak a post or two on my secret website in the next month or so as Christmas arrives ;) the one that I've let out all my honest feelings and pain at since 09. If you know, then you know. If you cant remember then... too bad! Btw, I've deleted a lot of posts there. No point keeping those emotions from the past locked in words to remind me of what everything used to be like. It's good to be free!

Jesus heals every single hurt.

Cheers xx
Nessa

P.S. here's an old photo I really love to close up this year in case I really disappear from here till then!! Highly unlikely but I don't know.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2011-11-21T09:36:00.001+08:00

I'm like so late for school but I felt this overwhelming urge to blog..!!!! This urge might have stemmed out of trolling others' blogs and feeling somewhat irritated about the fact that there are so few updates. So I ended up wondering if anyone felt that way about my blog?

I've been stuck in a kind of "routine" (as Ps How would describe it) this few weeks, and somehow have started dreading school a lot, I'm not sure if it's due to the fact that I'm alr in "holiday mood" ): and reading all the tweets from my HC friends about UK is really not helping. And mingao just jetted off to London ytd! It's depressive! Well well.

The song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" was stuck in my head since yest morning aft service, and I just feel so guilty for always forsaking God and His faithfulness.

God, I'm sorry I really want to stop this, and break out of this cycle of always falling into sin again and again and again. Please forgive us ):

USS

2011-11-19T19:02:00.001+08:00

This is my absolute favourite section of the park (USS)! The vintage New York alley that leads all the way to along the lake. It's amazing and also not very crowded (: awesome section! it's where I snapped most of my photos the last time I came in as a guest (:

2011-11-17T21:17:00.001+08:00

I JUST TOOK THE NEW TRANSFORMER RIDE PREVIEW FOR STAFF AND I NEVER SAT A BETTER RIDE BEFORE IT IS MEGA FUN MEGA MEGA MEGA FUN OMG OMG OMG AGGHH I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!!!!

Running

2011-11-16T22:34:00.001+08:00

How is it even within the realm of possibility that I can mess up again and again and again and again and again and again and again?

5+1

2011-11-15T13:51:00.001+08:00

Found this in my email, Leon sent this to me about a year back, in Dec 2010 (: I love how he added the last part! Have a good read everyone. Wise words.

" 5 Keys To A Successful Relationship

Having a successful relationship takes work from both partners. Great relationships don’t always come easy. If you find the right partner, that’s half the battle. But, no matter how long you’re with that person, you have to continuously work on your relationship and try to find ways you can improve it. The following are 5 keys to a successful relationship.

1. Communication- I can’t stress the importance of communication enough. If you aren’t able to open up and talk about things, than you don’t have a solid relationship. When people have things on their mind and let them go without discussing it, it usually manifests itself elsewhere.

For example if something your partner said hurt your feelings and you don’t talk about it, you might find yourself getting annoyed at everything they do. You may start nitpicking at them. In reality it’s not those little things bothering you but what they said that hurt your feelings.

Without communication, many of us hold a grudge. Holding a grudge is definitely not productive for a relationship. One important rule about communications is to talk in a respectful manner. Just spewing out whatever is on your mind in any tone of voice is not communication. Talking is great but if you don’t do it with respect, it’s pointless. Also remember to not only talk about things but to be a good listener too.

2. Honesty- Being honest and not lying is crucial to a good relationship. Even “white lies” are not healthy for a good relationship.

3. Trust-If you can’t trust your partner, than there’s a problem. You know you’re in a good relationship when you don’t worry about your partner cheating on you. Those thoughts aren’t on your mind at all. You never worry when your partner is working late. If you find that you’re becoming suspicious of your partner, than that’s not a good sign.

4. Respect- A healthy relationship has a key element of mutual respect for one another. Its okay to disagree but you must respect each others opinions and differences.

5. Dependability- It is important to have dependability in a relationship. Having a partner that is dependable and reliable will give you a great sense of security within the relationship. When times are tough and you hit rocky patches in your life it is important to know that somebody will be there for you.

6. it's not stated here, but the most important point is both of our relationships with God. without God, we will not last, trust me. pray together, for one another, strengthening each other's faith. commit every little thing we do unto Him.

I love you very much asteria. (: "

Adelaide, adelaide

2011-11-15T01:12:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's really difficult to decide on the next course of action. It's so tough having to make decisions, and it's even more so when you're an indecisive person like me. One minute something appeals to me, the next, I'm distracted and pursuing something else. It's tough to really decide what to do with my life. Yea, haha all this coming from someone who made a pretty big decision herself at the start of this year...

Well, I'm all for God's plan for my life, and submitting myself to his perfect will for me. But I don't think that's an excuse to not plan ahead. If you don't plan your life and commit these plans to God, how are you going to move forward? The importance of planning ahead and pursuing an ambition is often overlooked by young people like myself. Since I alr know & recognise importance of planning ahead, I should really have this whole huge plan drawn up for myself alr, shouldnt I?

Sucky thing is, nope I have no idea what I want to do. I mean, yes, it's either Applied Drama or Psychology, but which?! And what are the values I am going to base my decision on? I don't believe it's too early for me to think about things like this because if I have a goal, then I would work towards it and it's better motivation for me overall. If I'm going to do what I prefer between the two, it's applied drama, but if I'm gonna go for something feasible/practical/sensible, I'd go for psychology and aim to be an industrial psychologist because thats cool. I have these secret dreams of working in a huge MNC and this domineering and sexy office lady type of person. HAHA well that said, between that and being a homemaker/stay-at-home mum with lots of children, I'd still choose the latter. I think.

Some people plan because they want to know what's ahead of them and live their live all carefully planned out. Man, that ain't living at all. And life isn't always gonna go according to plan. That's not why I think people should plan. It's more of a guideline and a general sense of direction.

So undecided ):

Ahh nights folks long day in school tomorrow x

On a side note, Leon sounded so sian on the phone earlier tonight and that made me sad ): and he's most likely going outfield on the 5th of dec, which means he cant come for the bethel tertiary Christmas party w me. Double ):

LIFE GOES ON, YEA?

I think I love

2011-11-12T01:44:00.001+08:00

Your smile's stuck in my head. I just can't wait to see you again. Ugh!

Making my blog less boring!

2011-11-11T02:54:00.001+08:00

Contentment

2011-11-11T01:52:00.001+08:00

Had a really bad day today, in a different way from usual bad days, because I just stayed home the whole day. I was having this hugeass migraine that probably was because I slept with wet hair last night. I ended up skipping school (there was only one 2 hour tutorial anyway) and spent the whole day sleeping. I had a nightmare while sleeping! Haha my headache lasted like... from 9 in the morning till about 7pm? And I was just drifting in and out of consciousness, I think it was my painkillers, they make me really sleepy!

Yea so it was such a slack day and I didn't accomplish anything except buying a sheet of Cath Kidston iphone button stickers. They were so pretty I just had to have them! I almost bought a hello kitty iphone case on taobao which on hindsight i should have just gotten because my dad was getting which meant I wouldn't be spending any money outta my own pocket heehee.. Ah well I don't need it. I've been thinking of upgrading to ios 5 anyway, since I'm getting sick of my phone in it's current state. What does anyone think, is it a good idea? (my phone's jailbroken). Haha which reminds me, I tried Ms Wee's iphone 4s, siri kinda sucks. If I really were to buy an iphone 4s, I would get the Brit version. Why would I stoop so low as to emulate an American accent just to get the phone to understand me?

Well I actually wanted to blog about contentment and ended up rambling so much about everything else \: Since like forever, I've always tried to make myself seem better and cooler at everything I do, like I just wanted to be a part of every in crowd, and I wanted to be this person whom everyone knew, or knew someone who knew etc. You get the idea. Sadly enough, I'm not that person and probably never will be. It doesn't stop me from still having that supremely juvenile desire to fit in with the right crowd, and stand out at the same time. How paradoxical - how am I supposed to fit in and stand out at the same time?

Whatever the case, point is that I'm not content and happy with who I am now (in the bad way not the good way, because I'm not content for all the wrong reasons), and I realised that I have a very worldly view of what I want to become. It's ridiculous now that I'm actually seriously contemplating it. I should be discontent with what I am, yes, but not because of the stupid reasons I listed above. I should be discontent because I'm not at a point where I'm Christ-like in my living and being.

I really, really, really want to be a better girl. I want to be a "proper" Christian (whatever that means), and not some havoc person who doesn't give two hoots about really living for God. I want to be like a healthy fruit tree, only producing and bearing good fruit. I'm done with all the bad stuff. Don't wanna bear bad fruit like sexual immorality, drunkenness, greed, hatred, and unforgiveness. I truly wanna be a better person inside out, also for Leon (: I'm this tyrannical bitch all the time and I don't know how he can stand me but he does. Most people treat their family the worst, surprisingly enough, I treat my boyfriend way worse than I treat anyone else I know, including my family. I'm so thankful to God that Leon's still with me despite everything and how crazy I am!

Shall end this rather abruptly with a verse:

Philippians 4:11-12 (ESV)
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

Oh and, I'm really horrible. I just hacked into my dad's email to send an email to my uncle to ask him to get the hello kitty iphone case for me. WELL I JUST COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.......................... I REALLY HOPE I GET IT! So sick of all my useless covers ):

Okay well, nights.

xx
Nessa

p.s. still thinking about the super cute photo/note Leon mailed me from camp! I uploaded a pic on my twitter timeline/facebook wall go and see, you get to see him bald <3

p.p.s. love the latest himym ep! xxxxxx

Spiritual Inspiration

2011-11-09T23:32:00.001+08:00

"In chapter 12 of Paul’s letter to the Romans, you find the practical action plan for how to live and be. All of it’s applicable to you. Offer back to God the best of what He has put in you and your lives individually and collectively become a living sacrifice and a holy act of worship. It’s a beautiful thing and the consequences are eternal.

Paul instructs us how to live:

1. Submit everything. (Vs. 1,2)
Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering
Embrace what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking
Fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it
2. Celebrate the gifts in others. (Vs. 5,6)

So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.

3. Give your gifts. (Vs.6-8)
If you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else
If you help, just help, don’t take over
If you teach, stick to your teaching
If you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy
If you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate
If you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond
If you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

4. Keep it real. (Vs. 9,10)
Love from the center of who you are
Don’t fake it
Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good
Be good friends who love deeply
Practice playing second fiddle

5. Find His pace. (Vs. 11-13)
Don’t burn out
Keep yourselves fueled and aflame
Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant
Don’t quit in hard times
Pray all the harder

6. Create harmony. (Vs. 11-19)
Help needy Christians
Be inventive in hospitality
Bless your enemies
No cursing under your breath
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy
Share tears when they’re down
Get along with each other
Don’t hit back
Discover beauty in everyone
Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do"
- article written by Tami Heim

Stronger than this

2011-11-08T21:38:00.003+08:00

At what point, exactly, do I stop forgiving and simply walk away from everything?

11A10

2011-11-07T02:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's not easy looking through my hwachong friends' facebook profiles, makes me wonder if I chose the right thing.

But when I think about my course and what I'm studying right now, I know I'm meant to be here. Somehow.

mistletoe

2011-11-07T01:43:00.005+08:00

yep I'm silly cause I'm really excited for Christmas already! I'm gonna start saving up/making Christmas lists soooon maybe in week 6/7 of this semester teehee!

Time seems like it's gonna fly by so fast when you count in weeks, because sometimes, the weeks really seem to go so fast!

Anyway, I'm so happy I finally forced myself to sit down and do my essay. Decided to do my essay on Dorothy Heathcote, and I found this amazing pdf file book about her. Thank You God! And I didn't finish my essay, but I already did up the detailed outline and it should be no trouble at all just writing it out in prose and elaborating on my main points. Yay me!

Ummmm what other school work do I have? Meeting up w Sha to finish my quantitative research presentation tmrw, & my gen ed individual presentation is next next week. I really need to buck up and get an A for gen ed man, I cant afford anymore Bs! >:(

It has been a great weekend and I am really looking forward to the future!

When am I gonna have enough self-control to save enough to go to England again?

xx
Janessa
(I totally love the bald Leon, my Mr. Carpet Head!!!!!)

Nothing for me

2011-11-03T00:50:00.001+08:00

The basis of everything I do should be LOVE. I don't see love in any of my actions, I don't see Jesus in the way I act and the things I say. This is so difficult. I really really really want to be a better example of Gods love and awesomeness.

Tomorrow Leon's enlisting, kerrie's text offering to arrange w Uncle Sandy if I wanted to send Leon in really touched me. It really makes me feel so stupid about all the things I did and said last time.

I think being on the receiving end of forgiveness is experiencing God's perfect grace through another person, that's amazing.

Carousel

2011-11-01T14:56:00.001+08:00

Always a special month, the last leg of the year. HOW does time fly so fast? Last year this time I was being excited about England ):

(L)

2011-10-31T12:21:00.001+08:00

1 year!!

2011-10-30T02:39:00.001+08:00

Happy happy happy anniversary to my boyfriend Leon Lee!!

I'm too tired to function n post properly now I'll post tmr! But I needa say this : THANK YOU FOR THAT TIFFANY & CO RING IT IS CUTE I LOVE IT MUACK MUACK MUACKS every girl's dream ^^

Anyway if u read my tumblr (lovehold) alr I'm more sure than ever about that concocted fairytale bs now rofl rofl

Shall sleep a happy girl w a ring on my finger from an awesome boyfriend tonight NIGHT NIGHT x

modern family

2011-10-28T17:34:00.003+08:00

Totally addicted~~

Where no one can bother me

2011-10-23T12:35:00.001+08:00

Credits to Nathan Hartono
(http://nathandothartono.tumblr.com)

*still luving the mad skills*
I think Leon would like the all at sea one. Jamie cullum!

Differences

2011-10-20T02:24:00.001+08:00

I know I haven't properly updated this space and it's always just a few lines now and then, but school has only just started for 3 days and I'm already feeling overwhelmed!

The 6 week holiday left me so comfortable that I almost forgot I had school. I really need to pick up my pace if I'm aiming for this 4.0!

Looking forward to devised drama this semester!

God please please give me good groupmates for this sem ):

Always

2011-10-19T00:31:00.001+08:00

Little surprises - they keep this going more than ever.

Came home to these all over my desk today.

<3

What am I gonna do

2011-10-18T09:22:00.001+08:00

With N, when I cried myself to sleep at night I would ask God to give him to me so I wouldn't have to feel this way, but now with you, I'm praying for God to take away these feelings.

I'm done hearing all your nasty words.

God of this city

2011-10-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like You God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

You're the Lord of creation
The creator of all things
You're the King above all kings
You are
You're the strength in the weakness
You are love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like You God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for You and love for You in this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
Yes, there is no one like You God
There is no one like You God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for You and love for You in this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here
Still to be done here, still to be done here
Still to be done here

Bright eyes

2011-10-12T01:17:00.001+08:00

Poison oak, some boyhood bravery
When a telephone was a tin can on a string
And I fell asleep with you still talking to me
You said you weren't afraid to die

In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes
Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer?
I don't think that I ever loved you more

Than when you turned away
When you slammed the door
When you stole the car
And drove towards Mexico
And you wrote bad checks
Just to fill your arm
I was young enough, I still believed in war

Well, let the poets cry themselves to sleep
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam

But me I'm a single cell
On a serpents tongue
There's a muddy field where a garden was
And I'm glad you got away
But I'm still stuck out here
My clothes are soaking wet
From your brother's tears

And I never thought this life was possible
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for

The end of paralysis
I was a statuette
Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench
And when I press the keys
It all gets reversed
The sound of loneliness makes me happier

2011-10-11T03:24:00.001+08:00

"if only you could see me now, how broken I am"

Let me sing!

2011-10-10T14:55:00.003+08:00

Any idiot who knows me would know that I've been in love with Nathan Hartono (teehee) for a good 6-7 years now, since I was in primary school and had a major crush on him. Thankfully that has evolved into something more of a respect for him as an artiste in his own right.. seeing as I'm not that prepubescent awkward 11 year-old anymore.

I went for his concert in 2008 with Xing Ying @ esplanade and I thoroughly enjoyed myself there. He has inspired me on so many levels, and it was actually he who inspired me to become a jazz singer and join my school's jazz band as a vocalist. I'm incredibly excited to explore jazz now as I know so little, and its amazing to think that Nathan Hartono's the spark that set me off on this awesome journey towards exploring jazz as a genre! Although he doesn't really do jazz anymore, and writes his own acoustic music/does covers (right here on his youtube channel!), I still think he's awesome. He's such a talented musician, and I am waaaay glad that he won that teenage mag competition all those years ago that led him to where he is today.

He isn't just an incredibly good musician and vocalist, this guy is AMAZING at drawing. I've blogged about this before, I think, his typography is just SICK. And I love just scrolling through the facebook album he has on all his doodles, they are, simply put, lovely. In fact just this morning I retweeted a Steve Jobs "tribute" he drew and tweeted. Here it is!

See?! Look at that pretty simple drawing, talented on SO many levels. Not to mention, he's good-looking to boot!

Alright enough fangirling from me, I'm off to listen the concert recording of his version of "You Make Me Feel So Young", looking forward to trying it out with my band! Jazz band camp tmr I am egggcited (:

Would die to get a chance to meet this guy properly actually, although I really don't know what else I'd say to him other than, "you're awesome", "I love you" and maybe I'll manage to stutter out a "can you sing to me?", or "can you draw something for me?". Honestly.

Heh! :>

Nessa

You have to be there

2011-10-09T23:44:00.001+08:00

What is it Lord that you want

That I am not seeing?

What in my ignorant prayers

Am I failing to say?

Never before have I questioned the truth of your being

Never once have I dared

Never until today

All of a tremble

I stand on the edge of confusion

Who is to save me

If into the darkness I fall?

Now that I need more than ever my God to be near me

Do you hear when I call?

Are you there after all?

You have to be there, you have to

My life I have placed in thy keep

And without you I am drifting on a dark and stormy sea

You have to be there, you have to

Without you I’d drown in the deep

Too far, too far from land

The waters drag me down

I reach for your hand

And when I die will throw open his arms to receive me?

Who will forgive me and take me and show me his face

When I go to my rest, who will watch me and wake me

When my time comes at last, will you grant me your grace?

I am so small of this Earth, I am nothing without you

Daring to doubt you at all turns a knife in my heart

Little by little I’m losing my way in the shadows

I am losing my hope and the world falls apart

You do have to be there, you have to

My life I have placed in thy keep

And without you I am drifting on a dark and stormy sea

You have to be there, you have to

Without you I’d drown in the deep

Too far, too far from land

The waters drag me down

I reach for your hand

You have to be there, you have to

Too far, too far from land

The waters drag me down

I reach for your hand

pour the champagne, pour the champagne

2011-10-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

Leon my sk8er b0i totally working those hot abs! Lul.

Was so good meeting up with my girls Lisse, Mel & Gracia yesterday, and attending YWAV too! Missed them loads and it feels good, feeling like nothing's changed despite the fact that I dont meet up with them very often. Hopefully that changes, and we meet up more often (:

Got a pretty union jack ring from Elisse as a belated birthday present, Melinda got an owl and Gracia got a cupcake! Elisse got herself an owl too. All the rings are so pretty ^^ Just like them all. And I was so excited about the circle line's opening I forced them to meet me at Holland V! So I took a mere 4 min ride from one north (which I can walk to, and is currently the nearest mrt to my house, imo! about a 1+km away from my place?) to hv, being excited like a lil' girl!

I'm currently sewing felt/fabric brooches for them hehheh. They dont look so good but its the thought that counts innit? ;)

Anyway, I was feeling feverish and queasy for work today so I gave it a miss and the rest was really worth it. I miss work already!

To audition to perform for Athena fac outing or not? ): Cant decide.

bye guys x

A lovely person would look lovely <3

2011-10-08T12:25:00.001+08:00

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
— Roald Dahl (via petrifaction)

On another note, London has just been calling out to me nonstop recently.

Today, and here tomorrow

2011-10-07T18:53:00.001+08:00

Carve your heart out yourself
Hopelessness is your cell
Since you've drawn out these lines
Are you protected from trying times?

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
Oh look now, there you go with hope again
Oh, you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end

Dig a ditch deep enough
To keep you clear of the sun
You've been burned more than once
You don't think much of trust

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
Oh look now, there you go with hope again
But I'll be sure your secret is safe with me
Oh, you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end
Treating me like I'm already gone

But I'm not, I will stay where you are always
I will stay, I will stay, I will stay

Pool!

2011-10-07T10:02:00.001+08:00

Trying out the blogger app on my iphone (finally!!!!!!!) and it's not very user-friendly. Dont quite know how to use it yet but I think I'll get the hang of it soon lolol hear me prattling on like a weird tech-noobie!

At my uncles company now, helping him to pack & shift offices...... Heh.

Ok I tried to upload pictures it doesn't show me where they will come out....? Whatever! Leon surprised me yesterday morning when I was still in bed, he waltzed in happily with a caramel macchiato! I felt so loved teehee (: <3 can't wait for our anniversary in 3 weeks!! It's slightly scary that a year has flown by yet at the same time I'm excited for all the things to come in the future.

Always remembering to ask myself WWJD sounds so difficult but it's really so TOUGH!

Shall go to either Europe or Japan or the States(!!!!!!) sometime in the next year w Leon! I hope army doesn't get in the way.... Ok bye-bye everyone xxxx

last kiss

2011-10-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

Surrounded

2011-10-04T00:21:00.000+08:00